From the Change Blog 

Don’t settle for a relationship that won’t let you be yourself. – Oprah Winfrey

When it comes to change, people are more apt to do it for others than for themselves. It was no different for me when I morphed myself to be the “right” kind of friend, the “cool” girlfriend, or the “most dependable” employee. In each of those instances other people really liked me, but I didn’t like me very much…(read the rest)

From zen habits  by Leo Babauta 

Changing habits, at its core, is simply a process of changing what’s normal for you.

This is something I’ve done myself a gajillion times over the last 7-8 years:

• not smoking became my new normal (lots of pain for a month or so)
• running became normal
• eating vegetarian became normal
• later eating vegan became normal
• writing every day became normal
• not having sugar in my coffee became normal
• eating whole foods (instead of junk foods) became normal
• meditating every morning became normal
• having less stuff and a simpler home became my new normal
• reducing and eventually (mostly) eliminating sugar became normal
• and so on: no car, walk and ride mass transit, do less, becoming content with myself, working for myself, etc.

In fact, you could say the last 8 years of my life has been a constant adjusting of what’s normal. Adjusting normal is my normal now.

However, for most people, changing is tough because there’s some pain in changing. When you have a problem, there is the pain it causes in your life, but there’s also a pain of trying to change it. When the payoff of trying to change is outweighed by the pay off of continuing the old way, people stick with what they’re comfortable with.

How do we overcome this problem of the pain of change? It’s the mantra of this site: Start small, start with one thing at a time, and make the change easier. You want to make changing the path of least resistance, because change usually isn’t for most people.

If you make a drastic change, it feels really hard and really different, and not something you can stick to for very long.

But when you make a change easier, it makes it easier to take that all-important first step. Once you take that first step, you have a bit of forward momentum. And it’s much easier to be consistent and stick with something for a long time.

Let’s take an example: I used to drink coffee with lots of added sugar. I used to think there was nothing wrong with that, but eventually I realized I was making an excuse for putting crap in my body. So I started by putting half a teaspoon less in my coffee. At first, it was slightly less good. But after a few days, it taste exactly like normal, like what I was used to. And then I took out another half a teaspoon, and it was slightly less good for a while, and then after a while it was exactly what I was used to.

Our minds tend to adjust over time. That’s my change process — I gradually adjust what’s normal to me. Eventually I didn’t need any sugar in my coffee, and it was just as good for me, I didn’t have all that crap, and I enjoyed it the same.

You can do this with anything — exercise, meditation, procrastination. Gradually adjust what feels like normal to you.

Here’s the process:

1. Start small. What’s the smallest increment you can do? Do this for at least 3 days, preferably 4-5.
2. Get started. Starting the change each day is the most important thing. Want to run? Just get out the door. Want to meditate? Just get on the cushion.
3. Enjoy the change. Don’t look at this as a sacrifice. It’s fun, it’s learning, it’s a challenge.
4. Stick to the change. Notice your urge to quit. Don’t act on it. Keep going.
5. Adjust again. When the change becomes normal, make another small adjustment.

This is the process of creating a new normal. It’s beautiful and simple.

“After a couple of years of self-doubt and continuing to work for other people, I realized that if I put my efforts into building my own business, I could be just as successful as I was making others.”

LaKesha Womack

What do you do?

I am a Small Business Consultant, Author, Host of an Online Radio Show and Minister.

How did you get there?

 For a long time, I thought I had to choose one thing and just focus on that.  I also fell into the trap of believing that I should get a “good job” and the rest of my life would fall into place.  During my twenties, I worked as a Retail Store Manager and a Financial Adviser. I was good at my jobs but I wasn’t passionate about them.  Although everyone considered me a top performer, deep down I knew I wasn’t putting in nearly enough effort.

When I became pregnant with my son, I took about a year and a half off to focus on mommyhood.  I quickly realized that I wasn’t going to be a stay at home mom because I missed being involved in business decisions.  However, I didn’t want my son to spend the majority of his day in daycare.  I was consulting on the side and began thinking seriously about doing it full time to become a work at home mom. After a couple of years of self-doubt and continuing to work for other people, I realized that if I put my efforts into building my own business, I could be just as successful as I was making others.

My other business ventures - writing, hosting and ministering - fit into my belief that you can have it all: personal, professional and spiritual development.  Many women have been led to believe that they have to choose.  You can’t be a sexy minister or you can’t be a ‘good’ working mom.  I believe that it’s possible to be all the things you want to be if you figure out what is most important to you.

Finding your passion and/or being successful is no longer about society’s definition of those things but about what really makes you happy.  At one point, people thought having a lot of money would solve all of their problems so the focus was on acquiring external things. I believe a shift is happening in our society where people are starting to refocus on internal fulfillment.

Why do you like it?

I love having control over my life.  I love baking cupcakes for my son’s first grade class.  I love sitting down and writing for hours. I love meeting new people and introducing them to the thousands of people in my network.  I really love that I am in a place where I am being the person that I want to be.  I may not have a lot of stuff or money but I have peace, joy, happiness and love.  I have all of the things that money can’t buy.

When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Growing up I wanted to be a lawyer.  Although I graduated with a BA in Political Science from Vanderbilt University; I realized that I didn’t like reading as much as I loved to write.  I do still enjoy a good debate, especially about politics ;)

Meet LaKesha on her Website, Twitter, and Facebook